When we get a new pet it is the most exciting thing. We have a plan, hopes and dreams about what your life will be like with your new pet. If you get a dog and you are an outdoorsy type, your mind goes to long hikes in the woods. If you are more of a homebody snuggle time on the couch. If you get a cat, hours playing with a string toy then evenings with your kitty laying on your lap while you read or watch TV. BUT when you get home this pet all of a sudden wants nothing to do with you. It can break your heart, fear not it will be a matter of time.
There is a 3-3-3 Rule in the rescue world which states it takes 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine and 3 months to build trust. That can be a lot and frustrating because that is the rule and as we all know there are exceptions to every rule. Depending on the individual personality of each pet it could take longer or shorter amounts of time. The key is to not take it personally and be very patient.
3 days to decompress. Depending on if you picked your pet up at the airport from a pet transport or just a 10 minute ride your pet needs time to figure out what the heck is going on. After a long and hard commute home you need to just decompress for a few minutes and you are familiar with your home and know what was going on. Pets, especially if they are young, may not have an understanding of the noise and the excitement that just happened to get them to you. If you have young children they are going to be excited and rightfully so! They just got their new best friend but to a pet who may never have seen a child it can be scary. Children move a lot quicker, make high pitched noises and want to pick up the pet. If your pet has never had this happen before it’s a lot to take in. Depending on where you got your pet, it may have been quiet or different noises and smells. Or they could have come from a loud home and now it’s quiet. If you went to a shelter we don’t know the experiences the pet had before.* Keep in mind that wherever your pet came from it was different from your home. They need to take time to just breathe. Give them space and let them come to you.
3 weeks to learn your routine. As mentioned before we don’t always know where your new pet came from but they do want to know what is expected. They want to know when you will be home, when they can expect food, where they are expected to sleep and at what time. There are so many things they need to learn. If you work from home a couple of days a week, they want to know. Then there are weekends those are different and they want to be able to adjust to your schedule. Keep in mind that their whole lives have been turned upside down and all that they knew before is gone. This is the time to be as consistent as possible, life gets in the way but the closer you can be to the schedule the better it is for you new pet. Again give them space and let them come to you. Forcing it will not help them move through the phase any faster.
3 months to build trust. As mentioned before giving your new pet space to come to you will help build trust. Let them decide when they will trust you. Put yourself in their place, would you want some strangers to take you to their home and force you to love them? Pets need to feel safe, just like us. They have emotions similar to us and the more you respect that the stronger your bond will be. Play can help with the bonding experience, at first you will need to initiate then eventually they may initiate play. If you have a dog, walks are a great way to bond. You are trying to get to know your dog as much as they are trying to get to know you so on walks if your dog wants to sniff let them. Dogs get to know their world through their noses, they can tell you what walked by, how many, what sex they are, if any of the females are in heat. A dog’s nose is amazing. Let them take the time to explore. This is another great way to build trust that you let the dog sniff and don’t hurry it. Their last person may not have done that which would make you a rock star!
These stages could last longer depending on your individual pet’s personality or what they went through. It could take a shorter amount of time depending on your pet’s personality or what they went through. Give them the time they need to work through all that they have been through. If you need advice please talk with a pet professional/shelter worker for tips. There is a lot of bad advice out there and old school thinking. You will never regret giving them the time when your new best friend crawls up on your lap and falls soundly asleep. That is the best day ever!
*Not all pets in a shelter were abused. There are many reasons a pet lands up in a shelter, death of the owner, change in living situations, and so many others.
